“I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.”

I have a bad fear rejection that a lot of times I don't even try to get what I want. No matter if its with boys, jobs, friends, or short term goals and it made me a little antisocial. All my life I always felt that no matter what way I was or am it was never good enough. When I was a bitchy dishonest little girl people told me that I needed to be more nice. Then I transformed into a nice young lady who cares about other people's feelings, now I'm too nice and that automatically means I finish last. But why? Because I care about other people's feeling. No I am finishing last right now because of my fear of rejection. I have put myself in my comfort zone where I don't test the waters or I don't talk to that person who I really want to because I'm scared. I never had a boyfriend not because I'm not pretty or smart or worthy enough but because I never put myself out there to a guy. And at this point in my life where I'm still trying to find out who I am and what my purpose is, I don't need to a guy right now. I'm still trying to get myself out of this depressive funk that I've been in for awhile and make my own self happy and at peace before I can let some guy into my life. Even though I've been so sad and hurt by all the rejection in my life, I have to own up as an adult and accept the fact that I'm part of the reason why I've been rejected.