VLOG: My Crazy Family Episode 1

Here is the new episode to my vlog My Crazy Family...
Hope you enjoy this episode and the next video will come this Saturday...

OOTD: New Year's eve

I know this is a month too late but what the hell right...

VLOG: My Crazy Family Promo Episode

Just some videos of the first episode of my new vlog called My Crazy Family.
This episode is from 2008 when we went to the 12th Annual SIDS Walk-a-thon
in dedication of Kenasha (my baby sister who died from SIDS) and how we had a BBQ at the park. I might start doing more episodes of my crazy family. But enjoy this poorly edited crappy episode : )

“I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.”

I have a bad fear rejection that a lot of times I don't even try to get what I want. No matter if its with boys, jobs, friends, or short term goals and it made me a little antisocial. All my life I always felt that no matter what way I was or am it was never good enough. When I was a bitchy dishonest little girl people told me that I needed to be more nice. Then I transformed into a nice young lady who cares about other people's feelings, now I'm too nice and that automatically means I finish last. But why? Because I care about other people's feeling. No I am finishing last right now because of my fear of rejection. I have put myself in my comfort zone where I don't test the waters or I don't talk to that person who I really want to because I'm scared. I never had a boyfriend not because I'm not pretty or smart or worthy enough but because I never put myself out there to a guy. And at this point in my life where I'm still trying to find out who I am and what my purpose is, I don't need to a guy right now. I'm still trying to get myself out of this depressive funk that I've been in for awhile and make my own self happy and at peace before I can let some guy into my life. Even though I've been so sad and hurt by all the rejection in my life, I have to own up as an adult and accept the fact that I'm part of the reason why I've been rejected. 

"Tired & Discouraged"...

“Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.”
photo link

Sometimes I feel so alone and pitiful that its not even funny. My self esteem has been like a roller-coaster for the past 6 to 7 years. I have let people and life misfortunes tear me down and break my spirit t the point where I now regret ever meeting those people and making certain decisions in my life. Then after all the crying and breakdowns I get this spark or feeling that everything will be okay and I will get to that place where I always wanted & needed to be... & that's my happiness.