A Spark Of....

Getting back in my Groove...

“Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, while others wonder what has happened” - Proverb

At 3 in the morning watching Rugrats and on Tumblr I came across the photo up above. And I realized that I have to stop waiting and start doing to change my recent funkfest that I have been in. Idk if its the environment that I am in (a small town where I feel like a loser loner who is stuck in a box waiting to tear out) or if its me. When I was in the recent city that I HAD to move from, things where different. I was different. I felt free, even when life was shitting on me, it was like I had a new start, it was a rebirth. Now that I'm back in my recent cave of darkness with close minded people. I am about to got to bed so I'm gonna end this on a quick note. I don't know where I'm heading or how many times I'm gonna fuck up but if I do wanna leave this crap hole, get where I'm gonna go, or even fuck up, I gotta start making some moves. Its easier said than done but its definitely gonna get done. KNOW THAT lol. 

Weaker Than You......

A weak man is just by accident. A strong but non-violent man is unjust by accident.
Mahatma Gandhi

I remember about last month or so, I was having a conversation with a group of people about college & employment. So we were talking... well this is how the convo basically went;
person #1: Buffy you should try out Nursing, that'll probably be better for you and there are more jobs out there.
me: Well Nursing really isn't my thing or something I am passionate about.
person #1: Well you should think about it.
person #2: I don't really think Buffy could handle the medical world. You gotta be tough...


WAIT WHATTT!!!

I don't get how someone could think that just because you're a nurse, doctor, lawyer, or whatever these "high paying" jobs are, you do or think more. I want to an Interior Designer and that takes creativity, passion, and physical labor. Not being in the medical field doesn't make me any weaker than a person in it. Just going after my dream takes strength and the way things are going for me right now and all the let downs and obstacles I'm facing with college and me hating school all together   is hard. Do you know how much I wanna take the easy way out and give up but I'm not, but that doesn't matter because people will always put you down as a weaker person than them...

VLOG: My Crazy Family Episode 1

Here is the new episode to my vlog My Crazy Family...
Hope you enjoy this episode and the next video will come this Saturday...

OOTD: New Year's eve

I know this is a month too late but what the hell right...

VLOG: My Crazy Family Promo Episode

Just some videos of the first episode of my new vlog called My Crazy Family.
This episode is from 2008 when we went to the 12th Annual SIDS Walk-a-thon
in dedication of Kenasha (my baby sister who died from SIDS) and how we had a BBQ at the park. I might start doing more episodes of my crazy family. But enjoy this poorly edited crappy episode : )

“I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.”

I have a bad fear rejection that a lot of times I don't even try to get what I want. No matter if its with boys, jobs, friends, or short term goals and it made me a little antisocial. All my life I always felt that no matter what way I was or am it was never good enough. When I was a bitchy dishonest little girl people told me that I needed to be more nice. Then I transformed into a nice young lady who cares about other people's feelings, now I'm too nice and that automatically means I finish last. But why? Because I care about other people's feeling. No I am finishing last right now because of my fear of rejection. I have put myself in my comfort zone where I don't test the waters or I don't talk to that person who I really want to because I'm scared. I never had a boyfriend not because I'm not pretty or smart or worthy enough but because I never put myself out there to a guy. And at this point in my life where I'm still trying to find out who I am and what my purpose is, I don't need to a guy right now. I'm still trying to get myself out of this depressive funk that I've been in for awhile and make my own self happy and at peace before I can let some guy into my life. Even though I've been so sad and hurt by all the rejection in my life, I have to own up as an adult and accept the fact that I'm part of the reason why I've been rejected.