WARNING: BAD GRAMMER & INCORRECT SENTENCE STRUCTURE!!!
Have you ever just sat in a quiet room & just think? Sometimes it’s positive thoughts/ memories & sometimes it’s just those times where you been wronged in the past. Well that’s happening right now & since I can’t bitch about this to others, I might as well bitch it to my own blog. So let’s go to the beginning shall we….
Have you ever been that type of person who, even though you try your hardest to be a good person at heart, you still get treated like day old dog crap that’s been sitting in a park’s grass for about a week? Well hopefully you’re not, but I am. & I don’t try to get walked over, well not anymore I SURE DON’T!! (lol). But anyway this has to really do with backstabbing friends basically. It all started when I moved to freaking Maryland, I wasn’t always a door mat but when I moved there each year it felt like I was getting weaker. I wanted to be a nice person but still someone everyone respected, that became the opposite in a way. I became a nice person but I also became invisible. People didn’t really pay any attention to me & maybe that was my fault. I wasn’t shy before I moved there, but I fault alone at my middle school, & ultimately my high school. Then I met some people you know & it was okay. I was semi popular at elementary school, now that I think about it. But as I got weaker I started to see who I was as a person & I started to pick myself up especially in 8th grade.
I moved to MD in 6th grade & I met some good people, bad people, & people I thought was good for me but ultimately turned on me as the story goes on. I thought some people were my best friends but I soon figured out that they just thought of me as a basic friend. I felt so alone & awkward & that’s how the “try to not be notice” thing came in. For two whole depressant loooonnnggg years I cried at night from feeling alone & like a “freak”. I felt like nobody liked me, no boys, no friends, nobody. I didn’t get a true best friend until 8th grade. That’s where I met a friend that changed me & my life for the better. She opened me up & showed me my funny goofy side & showed me that it was okay to be weird, which I always had especially in front of my immediate family. 8th grade was so great until school almost ended, that’s when my dad told me we was going to move & I was tired of it, considering we moved around all the time (military brat). & here’s the ironic part, instead of me moving, my friend was moving before high school started, the bs part….
But anyway in high school, I thought I didn’t need another best friend, but it got lonely, & then SHE moved back to MD. SHE is someone who I was friends with in MS & I thought she was my bff but to her I was just a basic “friend”. Well I guess she found out everything changed & her old bff thought of her as just a basic then. So we got really close, then she moved again. Well at that time it was a new semester & I had an algebra class & then I met HER. Now HER, in a way you could say she was a “bitch” & why would I wanna hang out with HER, but we was totally opposite but just a like. & I thought she was kind of cool & “idgaf-ish”. We became pretty close. She had a lot of issues & so do I but with me I keep my issues to myself but with HER she would tell the whole world if they were listening, but besides that point. Freshmen year ended & here comes 10th grade. SHE moves back & I become really close with SHE & HER, everything is going good until a new girl moves to town & SHE does a complete 180. Now I don’t hate the new girl or is mad at her, it’s just that SHE changes & tries to be something she’s not, or maybe she was this way & was just putting on a front for me. I distant myself from SHE for like a week or two (I know it was during my 16th birthday which she didn’t even say happy birthday to me). During this time HER is my shoulder to cry to because I TRUSTED HER to have my side, which she did for some time. I let bygones be bygones & I started to talk more with SHE, even though I didn’t trust her anymore, but I didn’t hold a grudge. So we walked from HS to MS to pick up our younger brothers & HER started to walk with us & my mom would take HER home (which she didn’t have to do by the way, wasting gas). During that time HER & SHE would gang up on me & make me feel small, I never got why they did that lol. I guess that was their forming of a friendship, cause during my Junior year, that’s when the backstabbing got worse….
Everything was fine 11th grade, I determined that SHE had found another best friend & I was cool with that I still said hi & everything. I was just glad that I had HER behind me, that was until HER moved to a different lunch table (ooooowwww a different lunch table lol) & she took SHE right along with her. Now if I was such a best friend to HER than why she didn’t tell me about this? That’s when HER started to ignore me, now at first I thought HER was mad at me, but I didn’t approach HER about it (my fault on that part, I’ll admit that) but then HER told me that she wasn’t, BUT HER still ignored me, but I was still saying hi & friendly to SHE. Then one day I was walking to class & seen HER & SHE & their other friend with them, & I heard SHE say “Eeewww what’s that smell, it must be Kakey hahaha(well she said my first name lol)” & I got pissed. So I was done with SHE so, now remember this was 2 years ago, deleted her off my friends list, because if someone is really your “friend” than they wouldn’t say little immature things to make you mad. & I didn’t put that against HER, even though HER didn’t defend someone who was a friend to her for 2 years, no I didn’t. That was up until I was after school one day & I seen them walking together & SHE, again with the bitchyness, said “HER there’s ya best friend hahaha”, then HER said “Where? Ha yeah right” looking right at me. Now that really hurt me, to know that two of your “best friends” would treat you like that after you opened up to them & let them meet your family (which I only do to friends that I really think are like my family). I was completely done, so I basically edited them right outta my life, cause I was not losing my cool over 2 childish girls who think their shit smells like French vanilla, I’m not ever gonna do that. Now fast forward to about March of this year. I did some thinking & I thought I could reconcile with HER, since I was informed that SHE betrayed HER (boyfriend stealing or something in that field). BUT HER didn’t learn her lesson, cause HER let SHE right back on into her life (which HER is famous for, letting ppl who did HER wrong back into her life). But HER told me that “we’re still friends just not that close anymore after I found out SHE was trying to talk to my boyfriend” & “Yeah SHE does like drama” & all this other crap but then months later on Facebook I see a status from HER that says SHE is one of her female friends that never turned on her, which is funny considering all the crap HER told me, but I guess that’s what it was CRAP! & I’ll admit that it was & probably still am, a little jealous. It’s like I was the only person who got hurt & NOBODY felt any remorse, I’m not looking for pity, I just want to know if they both have any type of heart in them. But I guess what really hurt & pissed me off at the same time, is why SHE was upset with me? :
I didn’t pee on her cat or anything so why? I keep hearing people say its cause of jealousy, but that’s the thing, when you’re friends with someone you shouldn’t be jealous of them. The same good qualities SHE saw in me, I saw in SHE too. I woulda accepted who SHE was, & who HER was too. They didn’t have to front or lie, or any of that. But I sure accept who they showed me they were… FAKE & PHONY, point blank… I know there are 3 sides to every story, but this is how I felt & dealt.
I’m at a very IJDGAF mood right now, & I don’t. Whoever sees it, sees it & whoever don't, don't. Hey life goes on & only one person's opinion matters, MINE. It’s funny how I tried to take the high & drama-free road & I got called being childish, but hey that’s the way the cookie crumbles. & for those who don’t want to read all of that, to make long story short I got burnt mannnnn!!! Lol. But the lesson I learned is that not everybody is suppose to be friends & not everybody wants to be your friend. I came out a stronger person & a little more independent. Now I’m a college freshman & ready to really see the world. I just had to write this because I felt like I had to get this baggage out & to leave it here. & it’s been lefted. Another chapter closed…..
"I'm through living in the past Lord No more thinking rewind and more fast forward" - J.Cole
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